"Life's never quite interesting enough, somehow. You people who come to the movies know that. [in "The Matchmaker"]"

"I much prefer being a man. Women have to spend so much time pulling themselves together, and their shoes kill your feet."

There is an audience for every play; it's just that sometimes it can't wait long enough to find it.

"Why is it that men who can go through severe accidents, air raids, and any other major crisis always seems to think that they are at death's door when they have a simple head cold?"

"Actors should be overheard, not listened to, and the audience is fifty percent of the performance."